my life//in medias res*

It’s that time of year, leave all of our hopelessnesses aside…

January 24th, 2007 at 2:39 am by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, Lamentations, Life and Introspection)

So my life is weird. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. It’s freaked up crazy. It just is. I don’t know why. But that’s just the way it goes. My friendships are no longer normal, my jobs aren’t normal, my private life isn’t normal…I just can’t seem to get there. But I’m not even sure what it is anymore that I’m trying to get to. Now, I know what you may be thinking, that this is just another one of my late night rambles that doesn’t make any sense and should probably be ignored…and heck, you’re probably right, whoever you are. But the truth is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know where I want to be or what I want to do or who I want to be or be with. The truth is, I’m at a place in life where I honestly have no clue where I’m going. This is very different from the Joe I was a couple of years ago who had everything all planned out. And maybe the fact that my life is a blank slate is a good thing. I could completely rewrite my future in the way that I deal with the present. There’s a situation with one of my friends that, honestly, I’m pretty concerned about. I’ve known this friend of mine for the entire course of our lives, and he and I have been close for the majority of this time…he’s reached a junction in his life where he’s realizing that he has to grow up. And he has to grow up now. I, the big-brother-wannabe that I am, am trying to protect him (or at least trying to think of ways I can protect him) just like I always do. Just like I have every time he’s been in a jam or made a mistake for his entire life. I have to make myself stop doing this. I’m not his big brother, I’m his friend…and that’s all I can be. I’m here to support and love…not to protect and baby. My own situation is a little strange. Both of my jobs are going well, but I’m reaching an impasse where I have to leave (in some form or other) one of the two jobs in order to advance and put more focus on the other, the one I put priority in. In one way, I’m very excited about this, but in other, I’m extremely apprehensive. This is going to require me making a move to a new house…practically a new life. I’ve slipped into a comfortable place in my life and that’s about to get shaken up. I know that’s a good thing…but it’s a scary thing. I still haven’t figured women out, and know that I never will…but for some reason I can’t stop trying. I’ve been hanging out with a couple of girls (and by “have been” I mean did during the fall and early winter, and haven’t been able to since due to crappy scheduling…so I need to get on that), and really enjoy their company, but the truth is, I can’t see inside their heads and have no idea whether they see what we were doing as the beginning of something, or just hang-out time. And now, to throw another cog in the wheels of my brain, some of the women at church want to hook me up with someone I’ve never met. They’ve given me this girl’s number and want me to call her. Honestly, I’m down with being hooked up with someone, I supposed…but I really don’t know how I feel about calling someone I’ve never met…what the heck am I supposed to say? “Uh…Hi…you don’t know me. I don’t know you. But I’m Joe…you may have heard of me…what’s up?” I’m awkward enough around women…I really don’t think meeting one over the phone is going to help me out. But who knows? I’m still debating how to treat this thing. I want to meet the girl…everyone is telling me how cool she is…and it sounds promising, so…who knows? Right now, I’m in the midst of a crazy time…

P.S. - Crystal…this update is for you…because I’m sure you’ve been bored at work…and as you’re the only person who actually reads this…I figured I owed you something…plus I couldn’t sleep.