How to fight loneliness (smile all the time)

June 28th, 2007 at 1:10 am by sillyjoe (Lamentations, Life and Introspection)

Written from the back row of the second theatre at Regal Downtown West Cinemas on Saturday, June 23, 2007.

I sit in a crowd of closely cuddled couples. Unbelievable. This is supposed to be an art house theatre, a place where intelligent, lonely cinephiles can come and watch indie movies in the company of no one but other intelligent, lonely cinephiles. Okay, granted, the word “love” is in the title of the film…in French. But come on….seriously? Is it too much to ask for ONE MORE single person? Just one. Oh look, those old people are sharing a soda. Two straws. That’s just adorable. Ah, these two appear to be newlyweds…gag. Ah! Finally! Two guys without significant others, just going to the movies together to…oh…nevermind. Oh Lord, can this movie start already!

Written later that night…in my room

Tonight, I felt like I was a character in a movie about a pathetic single guy in his 20’s. And tonight, I felt like the movie started. The moment I stepped into that theatre, the credits rolled, the lights went out, and my name came up on the screen. It’s down and to the left…white letters on a black background…very classy, if you ask me. So, how does the story end, you ask? Where does the story begin, even? All we have is a sad and lonely man complaining from the back row of a moviehouse because he’s the only one without someone else? That’s not a good movie…that’s a cry for help. I begin to wonder where the story will take us in the movie. Will our hero meet a woman? Will his awkward charm sweep her off her feet from the start, or will he have to fight to win her? Will there be music? Oh, I hope there’s music. No, I don’t want to hear about his tortured past and criminal history…please, that’s so cliche. What is this, some distorted male version of a Lifetime movie? Let’s get on with it. Hmm. Maybe I should get on with it. Maybe I should stop going to movies alone. Maybe I should stop sitting up in my room writing lame anecdotes that don’t really make sense. Maybe I need to get the story going. I wonder where it will take me….

To be continued…hopefully

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It’s that time of year, leave all of our hopelessnesses aside…

January 24th, 2007 at 2:39 am by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, Lamentations, Life and Introspection)

So my life is weird. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. It’s freaked up crazy. It just is. I don’t know why. But that’s just the way it goes. My friendships are no longer normal, my jobs aren’t normal, my private life isn’t normal…I just can’t seem to get there. But I’m not even sure what it is anymore that I’m trying to get to. Now, I know what you may be thinking, that this is just another one of my late night rambles that doesn’t make any sense and should probably be ignored…and heck, you’re probably right, whoever you are. But the truth is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know where I want to be or what I want to do or who I want to be or be with. The truth is, I’m at a place in life where I honestly have no clue where I’m going. This is very different from the Joe I was a couple of years ago who had everything all planned out. And maybe the fact that my life is a blank slate is a good thing. I could completely rewrite my future in the way that I deal with the present. There’s a situation with one of my friends that, honestly, I’m pretty concerned about. I’ve known this friend of mine for the entire course of our lives, and he and I have been close for the majority of this time…he’s reached a junction in his life where he’s realizing that he has to grow up. And he has to grow up now. I, the big-brother-wannabe that I am, am trying to protect him (or at least trying to think of ways I can protect him) just like I always do. Just like I have every time he’s been in a jam or made a mistake for his entire life. I have to make myself stop doing this. I’m not his big brother, I’m his friend…and that’s all I can be. I’m here to support and love…not to protect and baby. My own situation is a little strange. Both of my jobs are going well, but I’m reaching an impasse where I have to leave (in some form or other) one of the two jobs in order to advance and put more focus on the other, the one I put priority in. In one way, I’m very excited about this, but in other, I’m extremely apprehensive. This is going to require me making a move to a new house…practically a new life. I’ve slipped into a comfortable place in my life and that’s about to get shaken up. I know that’s a good thing…but it’s a scary thing. I still haven’t figured women out, and know that I never will…but for some reason I can’t stop trying. I’ve been hanging out with a couple of girls (and by “have been” I mean did during the fall and early winter, and haven’t been able to since due to crappy scheduling…so I need to get on that), and really enjoy their company, but the truth is, I can’t see inside their heads and have no idea whether they see what we were doing as the beginning of something, or just hang-out time. And now, to throw another cog in the wheels of my brain, some of the women at church want to hook me up with someone I’ve never met. They’ve given me this girl’s number and want me to call her. Honestly, I’m down with being hooked up with someone, I supposed…but I really don’t know how I feel about calling someone I’ve never met…what the heck am I supposed to say? “Uh…Hi…you don’t know me. I don’t know you. But I’m Joe…you may have heard of me…what’s up?” I’m awkward enough around women…I really don’t think meeting one over the phone is going to help me out. But who knows? I’m still debating how to treat this thing. I want to meet the girl…everyone is telling me how cool she is…and it sounds promising, so…who knows? Right now, I’m in the midst of a crazy time…

P.S. - Crystal…this update is for you…because I’m sure you’ve been bored at work…and as you’re the only person who actually reads this…I figured I owed you something…plus I couldn’t sleep.

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and it’s been one of those kinds of days…

November 22nd, 2006 at 3:18 pm by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, Lamentations)

Ever had a day where everything that could possibly go wrong at your workplace…did? Well, that day was today for me. I was there from 8 to 3…and the entire period sucked. I seemed to be moving in slow motion, and never caught up. We ran out of baked potatoes, we ran out of alfredo, we ran out of marinara, I didn’t drop enough chicken tenders, I ran 20 minute checks….I couldn’t do anything right, or quickly. All of this lead to me getting pretty much chewed out by my manager, even though there were two other cooks in the kitchen, mainly because I was the ranking cook on the line, and the opener…so all of the blame had to fall on me. My injured shoulder is acting up and as a result my neck’s stiff…

God, I need some grace today…

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