Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
August 9, 1989
I’ve spent these last six years in contemplation. The first time, it was a wonderful surprise to discover I had been reborn, and I had an opportunity to accomplish all that escaped me during my “actual” life. It was sixty-seven years of unparalleled bliss – every day a reminder that life is fleeting, every challenge an opportunity to achieve.
And then I came back here. I don’t know what it means. I’ve been an atheist longer than any humans ever live, so I don’t believe in cosmic transcendence, nor do I believe that life has any meaning – not even my peculiar life, even though I cannot explain my existence with science. But six years of contemplation has taught me nothing, and I have now all the answers I had when I was “born.”
Perhaps I should be viewing this more as an opportunity to develop new skills – to learn that which I have heretofore sadly avoided. The freedom this condition provides is not something I’ve ever gotten used to; so a simple question like “Might I choose another career?” is something I make unnecessarily difficult.
One notable failure – I never married last time. I got married in my real life, to my beautiful Jenny; but my circumstances were radically altered last time, and I could not engineer a suitable introduction. I met her, alright; but by the time I did, she was already married to someone else. I just…couldn’t stomach the thought of marrying anyone else, so I spent most of my time alone.
This time, I’ve decided to remedy that by hiding my true self. I know the game now, so they have seen a child; and that is all they will see. I’ll meet Jenny, we’ll fall in love, and everything will truly be perfect.