Sharpe's little blog

2007 has been an intense year so far. We’ve started out the Jan term this week with Sharon Hersh‘s addictions class. It’s been great great stuff, but very tiring. A lot of really intense, hard questions about family dynamics, behaviors, longing, relief and self-destruction. I basically leave each session feeling like I totally don’t get it. Not that Sharon is a bad teacher (quite the opposite), but that there’s so much here that I’ve only scratched the surface on in my own life.

One of our assignments is to fill out a 4th step inventory (note: link is to an example, not the actual inventory we are using). The “4th step” refers to the piece of the 12-step program that this project comes from. Starting to go through this questionnaire has given me new appreciation for the kind of hard work that addicts go through to try to get and stay sober. So much of it feels so new that I just wonder what kind of hope I have entering into the counseling office, pretending like I’ll be able to help someone else – when I can barely shoulder the weight of questions like these.

Sometime yesterday I found myself remembering a song I heard years ago by Ross King. I loved his stuff in college, but he’s been lax on releasing a new singer-songwriter album in the past 3 years. His worship stuff is ok, but I really prefer his personal songs. The song “Unplowed Ground” has been a huge encouragement to me in this struggle.

It’s dryer here than ever I remember
The fields that once were green and tall are now so bare
And patience for relief has turned to anger
And joyous praise has been replaced by faithless prayer

I used to love to tend these fields for hours
And even times of drought would only serve to spur me on
Now it seems like years without a shower
And somehow my desire to grow has come and gone
This was the word to Jeremiah, but I think it applies to me
Right about now

“Break up your unplowed ground and turn your heart to Me again
Lay all your idols down, come confess your sin
I long to ease your pain and bring your fields to life once more
But I will not send My rain until you make Me Lord”

A vineyard ripe with blessing now surrounds me
And every harvest so much more than I’d hoped for
But as the fruit increases all around me
I see how fat I am and I’m still wanting more
This was the word God gave Hosea but I think it applies to me
Right about now

“Break up your unplowed ground; have you so soon forgotten Me?
I cannot watch you bow at the altar of prosperity
I long to shower down and see our love affair restored
So break up your unplowed ground, it’s time to seek the Lord”

Habits turn to cycles turn to seasons, and seasons turn to years before we know
We lay still alive but barely breathing, and we whisper, “That’s just the way it goes,”
But the Lord says, “No”

“Break up your unplowed ground, and you will find a treasure
Sell everything you own to buy what can’t be measured
I long to lay you down in richer fields than you have known
So break up your unplowed ground and make this land your home.”

I love that last chorus. One profound thing Sharon pointed out at one point in class is that, according to Jesus’ parable, you don’t buy the treasure. The treasure is worth far too much to be bought. You buy the field, by selling everything you own, and then you can dig up the treasure. I love how Ross ends the song, with the voice of the Lord calling the Christian to “make this land your home.” This life that He has created and placed me in is exactly where He wants me. There’s a strange promise that the richer fields are found right where He has me. It is not mine to dream of escape or ideals, but to be faithful with what He has provided. It’s hard for me to give up that control, but it’s the only thing that’s really true.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 10th, 2007 at 11:38 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.