Coming Clean

Somehow or another I have landed myself on a committee to define requirements and select a tool for capturing process metrics. Even though the email was all spiffy inviting me to participate, I knew there was a background watermark of “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”. I should have given heed to the sign.

So now here I am, in a group of process and metrics weenies. As far as I can tell, I’m the lone real software engineer - though I think there is a person or two from a software background or who has dabbled as part of a software team (they give me some amount of sympathy).

I’m somewhat ambivalent to the whole thing, and I know it shows. But it’s not that I’m not interested - it’s just that I’m not interested in how they want to proceed. When I start saying things like “If you want to capture metrics, then give engineers a tool that politely and humanely lets them go through the process like engineers who are actually doing their job, and then glean/scrape your metrics out of that,” I get a lot of forlorn and exasperated looks. The unspoken response is: “Sure, that’d be great … but there’s nothing like that out there, and we’re talking about a lot more than just code reviews here.” And, of course, the underlying truth of it all is that this isn’t about process or process improvement - this an exercise of CYA vis-a-vis metrics collection.

And the whole “this isn’t just for code reviews” is really what makes all of this the most intolerable for me. We’re gathering metrics for defects found in different artifacts at different project phases. So, while something like Review Board would be abso-frickin-lutely awesome for me … it’s inappropriate (at least in the minds of the powers that be of this group) for the breadth of scope of this committee’s task. Suggesting that we use the right tool for the right project phase is probably going to be lost on them: “But, we’re collecting the same kind of data regardless of the phase!!” … nevermind that the process of which the data is generated differs between phases.

I need to refine my issue with that last bit there - that’s where I’m continually dismissed in this little piece of non-fun-ness I’m involved in. Any thoughts on the issue would be appreciated

In the world of one who chooses to live by Prelactarianism (scan to the end), there are personal vices and pit-falls that can lead one’s life into certain compromises and lesser states of being.

Today, I was reminded of mine: hot coffee. I mean like: too friggin’ hot to drink hot coffee. This is how I like my coffee - initially anyway. I sip until I can pull a full mouthful in, and then I drink deeply, filling my belly with hot creamy coffee goodness.

So, why is hot coffee a vice in the world of a Prelactarianist?

Because cream curdles if the coffee is too hot. :’(

This week was a good week, and I was expecting it to go bad.

I’ve been in the role of software lead engineer for about 6 months now. For the first 3 months, I was leading a 4 man team, and then I was promoted to oversee a 12 man team. This was problematic because I had assumed a large chunk of the 4 man team development responsibility, and finding myself responsible for the care and feeding of 12 individuals pretty much put me behind.

The 4 man team has a software release at the end of June. The other 8 engineers had completed a release of software a month ago. So, for the past month, I’ve been desperately trying to get the 4 man team back on schedule, while making sure the other 8 guys are busy - busy with the right things, mind you.

This last week was a big week. It was the week I had earmarked as IOC - Initial Operational Capability. Basically, this was the week to go alpha. And we hadn’t begun to wed our back-end development and front-end development.

And yet, things went according to my best hopes and plans. It’s basically attributed to the fact that (A) I design API specifications which are pluggable and thus implemented separately from and in accordance to that API and (B) the developer responsible for the gui was conscious of the fact that he only had two responsibilities: (1) implement the gui per the interaction design and (2) implement the gui such that its interactions are meant to interact with my API design.

I cannot speak highly enough of the developer who worked the GUI. He’s a new hire straight out of college, and he’s easily the best college hire I have seen since I was hired. There’s a good chance he’s better than me, but only time will tell. I hope to get him some fat cash in reward for his awesome contribution.

Tuesday we did the initial wedding of GUI to implemented back-end. It was buggy, but it was working. I felt like we were still walking on that knife’s edge - things either go to plan … or not and badly not.

Today, we have a solid and consistently running implementation of all deliverable capabilities, with only a few lingering interaction details. Now, we have a month’s worth of bug finding and - I suspect - just a ton of polishing.

This has me very excited because it’s validation of everything I have said for the past 3 years. It basically took me getting into this lead position to make this happen, and it just feels awesome to say “see?? isn’t this awesome?? This is how it should happen - this is what we should be delivering.”

The doubter in me says that my lead will not see this accomplishment for what it is. And I just don’t know what I will do if he won’t give me the validation I feel I have earned.

But go team, go! It wouldn’t have happened without them. They all performed to their ability - and we found a number of folks have skills we were not yet aware of. I hope this is just a sign of things to come - designing right, implementing right, and leaving enough schedule fat to really get things tested before release.

I was in a meeting with my project manager yesterday. We don’t get along very well. We’ve become use to each other over the years, but there’s always some residual hostility in the form of not really willing to totally trust the other. He thinks I’m out to get him; whereas, I’m just out to do the right thing and am contentious when he needlessly gets in the way.

So, there we were in the meeting, discussing personnel issues for the next 6 - 9 months. We’re walking through employees, one by one, discussing strengths, weaknesses, best fits, etc. We get to one particular guy, and it turns out we have two wildly different opinions. I view the guy as bright, assertive, and straight-forward. My PM views him as quiet and demurring.

My parting thought on our different views was: “Well, it’s probably because he sees you as an authority.”
PM: “Yes, that’s probably true … and you don’t.”

Pegged. I guess it’s good he finally sees it - or at least acknowledges it. I have a twinge of guilt, but mostly I’m amused. It was good though, because the other day I was rehashing a history of his mistakes that I’m trying to plan to fix that he thinks un-needed. So, I view it as tit for tat.

… but certainly, somewhere, there’s a physicist who would say otherwise.

Once upon a time, I was a software engineer. Then someone said, “Spencer, you’re a very good software engineer. You grok our vision, you produce well designed code that aspires to and can grow into as well as beyond our vision, and you have a knack for working with the other engineers (though your relationship with your managers could improve). How would you feel about leading design and development efforts for our team?”

And I said, “Aw shucks,” and so my downwards spiral into management began.

At first all was well. I had a 3 man sub-team and my co-lead had a 4 man sub-team. My sub-team was kicking butt and taking names. I was doing mostly design, code reviews, and mentoring. I could have done with some more coding work - but I always manage to sneak in some significant chunks in under design work. But we were mostly hitting our milestones, and I saw no reason to fear. If worse came to worse, I could step in on a weekend and get us back on schedule - but I wanted these guys to do it largely by themselves. Good for morale and growth all the way around.

And then it was deemed that my co-lead, who also had a high-level architect hat, needed to wear only one hat, and so he passed his software lead hat to me. And so it came to pass that I was the one software lead to rule them all.

It’s at this point that my downwards spiral into management hell began.

I knew I had to schedule a lot of meetings to figure out where my co-lead was leaving off, where I was picking up, and where the progress of his sub-team was really at. And all the sunshine and happy flowers that I had been hearing about started to wilt and die before my eyes.

I basically picked up 2 very needy non-engineers, realized that my co-lead really wasn’t on top of requirements, design, or implementation progress, and that we needed to cut a bunch of features and rework the other half. Oh, and make sure the entire thing was REALLY being tested.

As petals wilted and flowers died, I flowed the needed scheduling information up the management chain. This, of course, caused new meetings which caused new meetings which caused new meetings which … well, you get the idea. Forget engineering (outside of dealing with my 2 very needy non-engineers). I’m just doing scheduling, tasking, and status … with a good dose of requirements analysis, requirements rejection, and a bit of upper-management scolding (most people think I’m insane because I’ll scold my management - I tell them what it is they have done, should have done, and should be doing - and why I shouldn’t be doing any of it … but the way I see it, if I get fired (and no one is ever really fired), it’s probably because things got to a point where I really am better off leaving anyways).

Ok, ok … it’s not all bad. Really, I’m enjoying it mostly. I just want to get back to the engineering side of things. But I have to fight, for the success of this project, this titanic management battle to get all that is screwed up with our engineering process and management turned around.

It seems that since I’m the only one who doesn’t mind expressing a very solid, actionable opinion, I get delegated with all the managerial crap that everyone else should be doing. What features do we need for our next release (you should be asking the architect)? What support do those features need (again, the architect)? Are we sure we’ve done a top to bottom analysis (I don’t mind helping out, but does the architect have an initial blueprint)? Do we have a tasking breakdown (if we have a top to bottom analysis, then yes)? Do we have initial tasking assignments (sure, I can do that)? Do we have estimate sizes per task and engineer (I can do that too)? Hoooooo crap, why am I doing this?! My part should be small, but I feel like I’m doing it all. I feel like I should be providing data, not doing the friggin’ work. (But the work is that data, they say, so either we’re data entry peons or you do all of it - managers don’t like being peons - and you’re the only one who really knows the data top to bottom)

Anyhow … this is a very long post to say: Sorry I’ve not been around much. Hope things change soon, but I’d expect radio silence to linger on for a while yet. If you want to mail me beer or wine (or money for either), I’ll appreciate it.

People say they remember things a lot, and while it’s not a lie - it’s not the truth either. I can’t remember the first time I saw pictures of a black Santa Claus or a black Jesus … but I can remember the shock of seeing a very clear depiction of something other than what I had always internalized as something like myself - like myself to a degree that it likely was (and is) false.

Today, I think I found myself on the opposite side of that coin. Some protestant friends of mine were asking me about the perpetual virginity of Mary - which means I implicitly have to give an account that dismisses the full-blood relation of “the brethren”. To be honest, I didn’t do very well, and I am disappointed in myself.

But what struck me was the … pure alien thought that married people would remain celibate. It’s not Mary’s perpetual virginity that gets them, really. It’s the Mary and Joseph abstaining part that really gets them. And they think they have a clincher of an argument that trumps, well, pretty much the entirety of Christian history minus Protestantism that says otherwise, in prooftexts of brethren and James and Thomas/Jude. Even with solid arguments rooted in language, translation, etc that satisfactorily argue the half-blood relation or cousin relation, in the end, it’s the abstinence between man and wife that really confounds them.

I’m not one to make the argument that it’s usual. But then, I’ve also never been one to argue that much about the Holy Family was usual. And, really, it’s their peculiarity that really sets them apart and makes them all the more beautiful.

This was all the rage prior to my senior year of marching. Ah, the memories.

Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market place, and cried incessantly: “I seek God! I seek God!”—As many of those who did not believe in God were standing around just then, he provoked much laughter. Has he got lost? asked one. Did he lose his way like a child? asked another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? emigrated?—Thus they yelled and laughed

The madman jumped into their midst and pierced them with his eyes. “Whither is God?” he cried; “I will tell you. We have killed him—you and I. All of us are his murderers. But how did we do this? How could we drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What were we doing when we unchained this earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving? Away from all suns? Are we not plunging continually? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there still any up or down? Are we not straying, as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is not night continually closing in on us? Do we not need to light lanterns in the morning? Do we hear nothing as yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we smell nothing as yet of the divine decomposition? Gods, too, decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him.

“How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whoever is born after us—for the sake of this deed he will belong to a higher history than all history hitherto.”

Here the madman fell silent and looked again at his listeners; and they, too, were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern on the ground, and it broke into pieces and went out. “I have come too early,” he said then; “my time is not yet. This tremendous event is still on its way, still wandering; it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time; the light of the stars requires time; deeds, though done, still require time to be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than most distant stars—and yet they have done it themselves.

It has been related further that on the same day the madman forced his way into several churches and there struck up his requiem aeternam deo. Led out and called to account, he is said always to have replied nothing but: “What after all are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?”

Source: Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science (1882, 1887) para. 125; Walter Kaufmann ed. (New York: Vintage, 1974), pp.181-82.]

Brought to us by the Internet Modern History Sourcebook

I honestly and truly love this parable. I love the madman. I love to stare into his eyes. He is terrifying and horrible, yet he speaks the truth as he knows it - and truth always carries a beauty with it. And I’m left to either agree with him yet while not knowing what to make of him … or to disagree and stand in contradiction to him. He mocks me, croons to me, and weeps with me. He is my enemy, and he is my brother. I love him. I pity him. And above all, I fear that secretly, I am him.

All Christians should meet the Madman, and they should never forget his gaze.