On Our Way To Crazy

I spend too much time worrying about my identity. The problem is that when I get to obsessing, it isn’t about who I am. It’s about who I’m not.

Why am I not part of that group of people? Why don’t they include me? Why don’t I get asked to be on that committee, to attend that party, to hang out with those friends? Why am I so… not?

I like the things I am. I like being a youth pastor, and a wife, and now a mom. I like being kind of funny and easy going and nerdy.

And I don’t think I want to be the things I’m so worried about not being. I’m not cool or flashy, I don’t know how to curl my hair or accessorize or wear heels. I have different tastes and sensibilities and style (or lack of). Even if they wanted me, I wouldn’t fit in. I would be unhappy.

But still. I get down. I look right over all the good things that define me and all the people who I fit in with and who love and support and get me. All I see is where I’m not included, where I’m not invited, where I don’t identify.

I want to be happy in who I am, not unhappy in who I’m not. Especially knowing that being who I’m not wouldn’t make me happy either. I can’t be everything. But I can be good at the things I am. I can own that. I just need to figure out how.

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This is my first attempt at Five Minute Friday.